Monday, March 12, 2007
[*$oM.etHiNg. Lea.RnT*] ...i've been thinking for the past few days and i've finally sorted out my thinking. i'm sorry andrea. everything that was said and done was when i was still very much unhappy about everything. and i guess my emotions got the better of me. i've finally learnt the value of patience and self-control from what has happened in the past few days. i guess i was just very unhappy with everything. why after CTs work came pouring down on me and to fulfil expectations and request that were virtually impossible to achieve. i felt so helpless. it seemed that no matter how hard i tried, i couldn't do anything at all or produce something that was good enough. and it sucked.
now, instead of doing the things that come my way for people, i guess i'll do it for God. it'll make me happier and i'll find greater purpose in it. in serving others, i hope to make God happy, share His love and in the process, feel less stress and just trust God. i realised that i've been trying to do things on my own and without help from God. that's why, i've been feeling so downcasted and unhappy and stress. it never occured to me until i just took some time off to think. but yet again, the feeling of abandonment overwhelms. i can't help but feel lonely sometimes in this crowd of people. although there are people all around me, i still lonely. somehow, it feels that there is a wall surrounding me that prevents me from really connecting with others. and sometimes, i'd just feel like withdrawing into my own world, somewhere safe and warm, although very lonely and isolated. but whatever it is, i guess is all part of my mood and emotions and i really wish that i could have better control over it.
in any case, i hope everything will become better from now on. but whatever happens, i'll just my best and leave the rest to God.
love,
cheryn ...
posted at 3/12/2007 09:16:00 pm
